she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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