I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
