just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
