Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
