ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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