am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
