I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
