He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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