I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
