We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
