Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
