his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
