currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
