I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.