So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.