Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.