I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
