Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more

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  (856): I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more http://tfl.nu/kc45
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (1952)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???

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  (609): i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on??? http://tfl.nu/8had
  Replies (51) Good night (1095) Bad night (4984)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..

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  (845): Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup.. http://tfl.nu/wofn
  Replies (11) Good night (1155) Bad night (3282)
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  (415): View more from California

  MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?

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  (415): MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone? http://tfl.nu/5bs9
  Replies (14) Good night (847) Bad night (3109)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.

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  (419): fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back. http://tfl.nu/wq3e
  Replies (11) Good night (4819) Bad night (2090)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season

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  (978): Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season http://tfl.nu/bvhl
  Replies (4) Good night (2490) Bad night (774)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint

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  (404): She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint http://tfl.nu/mdfm
  Replies (7) Good night (3130) Bad night (1213)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed

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  (256): Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed http://tfl.nu/t8qm
  Replies (28) Good night (5391) Bad night (1478)
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  (714): View more from California

  The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.

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  (714): The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night. http://tfl.nu/euw3
  Replies (16) Good night (742) Bad night (2917)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me

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  (574): It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me http://tfl.nu/pd5w
  Replies (8) Good night (1586) Bad night (1022)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

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  (757): Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :( http://tfl.nu/ztju
  Replies (25) Good night (3602) Bad night (860)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?

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  (313): I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/g93i
  Replies (7) Good night (1702) Bad night (657)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That's all I've ever wanted.

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  (307): I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up. (303): That's all I've ever wanted. http://tfl.nu/ydlb
  Replies (6) Good night (1389) Bad night (522)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control

  (737): View more from Texas

  we are the apple cider girls!

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  (512): So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control (737): we are the apple cider girls! http://tfl.nu/izwd
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (367)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.

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  (651): Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf. http://tfl.nu/d6io
  Replies (0) Good night (586) Bad night (351)

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