Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why do cheetos always look like penises
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis