it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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