Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
