Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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