so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
