My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
