If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
