You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
