I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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