I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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