I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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