Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
