I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.