I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Farmville is her only friend.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball