So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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