I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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