Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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