Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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