In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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