you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drake has all the answers
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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