im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize