I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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