So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
