I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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