how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
