Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
