I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
