wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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