we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
