I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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