I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Four minutes until I can fart!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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