Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
