I need help removing her.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
