Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
