So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
