i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize