you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
