You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
