evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
