the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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