I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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