Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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