do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
