Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
