May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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