12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
