1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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