u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't deserve a penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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