I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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