worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
