I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
