It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
