That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
