i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
