And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
