and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
