3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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