We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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