Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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