i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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