I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
