so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Come see our sink grown plant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
