So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
