Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
