My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
