She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
