so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
